


I can feel my own heart beat

by Karratran



Category: Free!
Genre: Blind Date, HaruRinHaru Christmas Exchange, M/M, Nagisa is a Little Shit, Reunion, all is well that ends well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 18:53:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9002542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karratran/pseuds/Karratran
Summary: Haruka's been waiting for a long, long time.His patience is rewarded, however, by a devious little fiend who likes to torment his friends.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [songbird97](https://archiveofourown.org/users/songbird97/gifts).



> I hope you like this little piece I put together from my heart.
> 
> (Also, I came up with the title after listening to Mamoru Miyano's UPSIDE DOWN.)

_Hope._

It’s the reason why he keeps trying, even if he feels a little lonely. He bears the feel of the water without _him_ for that reason. Even if he feels himself losing steam. Because Rin promised they’d swim together again.

Haruka still has hope, although if it’s been a little over eight years.

 

“That was a good time, Haru. But you gotta try harder,” Ikuya calls over the sound of swimmers splashing in their University’s 50m pool.

After flicking off the stray droplets of chlorinated water from his eyes, Haruka nods at him then takes the hand Ikuya offers him, heaves out of the pool and climbs the starting block again.

“Remember your streamline.”

“I know.”

And Haruka flies.

 

* * *

 

It’s afterwards, at a ramen stand, that things go downhill. Or uphill?

“You know, you should make more friends. Just Ikuya isn’t enough and you know it.” He uses that scolding tone of his which oozes gentleness.

The commentary is still unwanted by Haruka, so he turns his head away from Makoto with a small pout on his lips. “I don’t need more friends.”

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to make him talk to anyone other than me? If you had decided to go to the same Uni as us, you’d be helping with that, Makoto,” Ikuya grumbles from the seat next to them.

Makoto sighs lightly through his nose and a soft, albeit frustrated smile graces his lips.

There is a lull, a moment of comfortable silence filled only with sounds of dishware and background chatter of other patrons, before Haruka almost stabs the back of his throat with his chopsticks when Nagisa jumps on him from behind.

“Haru-chan! Mako-chan! Iku-chan! Thanks for the invite!”

Haruka’s eardrum nearly bursts as Nagisa yells next to his head. He closes his eye and cocks his head to the side, away from the loud menace, in hopes of putting some distance between them.

“Get off, Nagisa,” Haruka says, hunching in on himself, attempting to peel him off, while pointedly looking at Makoto, as if saying ‘ _this is your fault_ ’ (and it _is_ ; Makoto’s the one who invited Nagisa).

“Aww, you didn't miss me at all!” Nagisa complains but complies with the request.

Ikuya laughs. Nagisa is always like that.

Nagisa orders ramen for himself after taking a seat next to Haruka, and it feels like the calm before the storm. Nothing pleasant ever comes from hanging out with Nagisa when he’s being this quiet.

“Something the matter, Nagisa?” Makoto asks, as if he, too, reached the same conclusion.

“Hmmm… I wonder?” is the answer he gets.

“ _You wonder?_ What the heck, Nagisa.” Ikuya sounds incredulous, almost irritated.

Haruka’s eyelid twitches.

“No, it’s just that… well, I may have set something up for Haru-chan.”

 

_The calm._

 

“Set something up for Haru?” Makoto questions in surprise.

 

_Before._

 

“Yeah, since he only ever hangs out with us, or swims. So…. I kinda… set up a blind date!”

 

_The storm._

 

* * *

 

“Haru-chaaaaaannnn…..”

“No.”

Nagisa rubs the top of his head against Haruka’s back. “Don’t be like that, I've already set everything up!”

Haruka is 100% resolute on _not_ being swayed. He definitely does _not_ need to meet anyone new. Much less to _date_ them.

He doesn’t need such distractions from the water.

“Don’t wanna.”

A sigh. “C’mon, Haru-chan. Have I ever steered you wrong before?”

 _Steered me into trouble, actually_. But not really, although Nagisa’s ideas always bring trouble, they almost always end up with good results.

It’s kind of a pressure in the back of Haruka’s eyes, he acknowledges Nagisa as being keenly perceptive, no matter how hard he seems to try to discourage Haruka from thinking him to be. Nagisa is very _smart_ , reagardless of how childish he acts sometimes, and behind those devious smiles and devilish plans, he always seems to have a thorough and long thought process that may or may not be of good will towards those he subjects to said plans.

So Haruka narrows his eyes and keeps walking, hoping that his irritation will eventually make Nagisa give up and go home.

Because Nagisa so happened to decide that following Haruka to his apartment after seeing Makoto off at the train station (who gave Haruka a pitying smile before the automated doors closed) and Ikuya separating from them (since he had some errands to run), was the best course of action.

For pestering, that is.

Luck, as it is, seems to be getting a good laugh from Haruka’s fate: _Nagisa does not give up_.

“Trust me, Haru-chan! You're going to _love_ this guy. I _swear_. Just give it a try! Full satisfaction guaranteed.”

Haruka lifts an eyebrow. “You’re not even tempting me.”

 

_“If you go,”_

 

 _Uh-oh_. Haruka’s shoulders tense.

 

“...I’ll treat you to a mackerel restaurant. _All you can eat._ ”

 

_...Damn him._

 

“Oh, yiiis! You have that ‘sparkly eyes’ expression!”

 

* * *

 

Haruka does not care what other people think of him. He never has.

But somehow, with Nagisa’s reassurances that the one he’ll go on a blind date with is someone Haruka might actually like… he feels pressured to make a good first impression. Not that he wants the other guy to like him. He just wants this to be over with.

The pressure, though. The damned pressure to perform well, to give a good show, to _care_ , has him waking up earlier than normal on the appointed day, going through his entire wardrobe, and standing in front of his bed staring at three different outfits.

 _This is ridiculous_ , Haruka chastises himself, and decides for something outside the three outfits, going for a more casual and comfortable set. It turns out to be a wide-necked shirt with elbow-length sleeves, patterned with horizontal white and blue stripes, a pale pink undershirt, and tan jeans (which he rolls up a little past the ankles). He is sure that he has some shoes that could work with this getup, so he goes through his genkan and fishes out pink sneakers that match with his undershirt. He also decides to wear a couple of bracelets, one a corded blue braid and the other a leather strip, purely as distractions he could fidget with. He thinks the end effect is pretty well thought out, fetching, not just put on at random - for his usual standards, at least.

Because, Nagisa will pester him if he doesn’t show up, or if he doesn’t show up _presentable_ , Haruka reasons. Obviously, it has nothing to do with the wanting to look good for his "date".

As he heads out, he catches himself trying to see his reflection in the mirror and chides himself for it; _he doesn’t care how he looks_.

 

* * *

 

“How do I know if it’s him?” Haruka asks, not because he cares if the date goes smoothly, but because he doesn’t want to stand in the middle of the restaurant looking like a fool, searching.

_“Trust me, Haru-chan, you’ll know.”_

Haruka grimaces at his cellphone. “Stop being so cryptic. Just tell me something to distinguish him.”

_“What, like, he’s super hot?!”_

“...” _How is that a distinguishing trait?_

_“Haru-chan?”_

“...”

A sigh. _“Fiiiiiine. He is going to be wearing….”_

“...”

“...”

“... _Nagisa._ ”

_“Jeez, Haru-chan, you have no sense of suspense.”_

“...”

_“Okay, okay, he’s gonna be wearing a plaid red and blue shirt over a white t-shirt. Navy blue jeans and gray sneakers. And probably a navy blue beanie.”_

“...How do you know what he’s wearing?”

_“I just saw him off, actually. He met up with me to make sure he had everything right. Isn’t he cute?”_

“How did you meet him?”Haruka cannot contain the question.

_“Ah, eh? Well, he goes to my university and we have some Gen Ed classes together. He’s technically my senpai, though, since he’s in the same year as you. But trust me, there is nobody more perfect for you than him.”_

And Haruka doesn’t doubt him. Much. He’s fully aware that Nagisa, of all people, does not lack friends. For all Haruka knows, Nagisa could make friends with _literally the whole world_ , even if they had nothing in common.

He does doubt him on the “perfect” part.

 

* * *

 

Appointed time, 5:00 pm. Appointed place, a not very widely known family restaurant somewhere between both their Universities, somewhat equidistant to make it easier to separate.

Haruka feels an odd energy running through his veins.

 _Apprehension_ , his mind supplies.

He scowls. Why would he be apprehensive? He’s just meeting up with a guy, spending a meal with him, saying thanks bye, never seeing each other again, and moving on.

So he goes inside with a precise walking tempo and looks around one, two times.

Beanie spotted. However what catches his attention is what’s tucked under the beanie, and it sends his heart thumping painfully inside his chest.

 

_No way._

 

_No way, it’s a lie._

 

It’s a color Haruka has come to see even in his dreams. A color that erases everything around it, a color that makes the whole world quiet down and dissolve.

 

Rich, luscious, burgundy red strands of middle-length hair bathing in the afternoon light that filters from the wall-length windows.

 

And he acknowledges, begrudgingly that the “you’ll know” Nagisa gave him was right.

 

 _He knows who it is_.

 

Red eyes flash to the front door, the spot Haruka’s currently standing on, and he sees the emotions that fill them.

 

Suspicion. Recognition. Surprise. A little shine that hints at tears.

 

The young man stands.

Yes, he does have a plaid, red and navy blue shirt; a white, v-neck t-shirt under it that shows exactly just how attractive his cleavage is.

They’re probably too far away, with Haruka just past the threshold and him all the way to the tables near the back of the restaurant.

 

Yet, Haruka swears he hears the awed whisper that leaves his lips.

 

_“Haru.”_

 

He can’t help it.

 

_“Rin.”_

 

So he wills himself to cross the distance that separates them.

 

_(A distance that feels decisive._

 

_Important._

 

_A distance that he feels the need to shorten.)_

 

And then they’re only two or three feet away from each other.

 

Haruka’s hands are trembling. His heart is thumping. But he’s completely certain that a smile is dancing on his lips.

 

He’s basking in Rin’s presence, in his closeness, in the tiny blush that adorns his cheeks (and has Haruka soaring).

 

But, he’s afraid of breaking the silence.

 

Or rather, he doesn’t know how to break it.

Although Haruka hasn’t lost hope all these years, he didn’t dare think of their reunion, lest he spoilt it. He didn’t dare so, lest it hurt.

He never lost hope, but he didn’t dare dream that what he yearned for could come true.

So, Haruka averts his eyes and pouts. What better than normalcy? What better than do what he had always done whenever he talked to Rin?

 

“You could’ve called.”

 

Rin’s breath hitches, and suddenly, Haruka’s afraid that he said something wrong.

 

But a breathless chuckle has him turning his eyes back to Rin sharply.

 

And it’s Haruka’s turn to be breathless.

 

Because Rin’s smile is blinding.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t have your number.”

 

So he pouts again, just to be contrary. “But you knew my address, a letter would’ve sufficed.”

Rin catches the joke and his eyes widen a fraction as if saying ‘ _whoa, you joke?!_ ’ and Haruka should feel offended but he doesn’t, so Rin concedes and smiles again. “So. Let’s sit?”

 _Oh, right._ “Yeah.”

 

...Okay, so maybe reunions don’t go as smoothly as Haruka might’ve thought. He doesn’t know how to keep the conversation going, and apparently, Rin is still a bit shy. He’s not being his talkative self.

Continuous eye-averting when catching the other looking seems to be a thing.

Haruka is at least grateful for the distraction when the waitress stops by them and they order.

Haruka is very grateful of the color that doesn’t seem to leave Rin’s face, however.

 

_It’s cute._

 

_Huh?_

 

He halts, a slight jerk in his hands that he notices because he just averted his eyes from Rin’s and his sight landed on them.

 

_Cute?_

 

_Cute?!_

 

_Yeah._

 

He finds he doesn’t mind these thoughts.

 

Maybe he’s had them all along.

 

Haruka smiles.

 

_Yes, it’s good._

 

 

“Sooo…” Rin starts and waits for Haruka to look back to him. “Nagisa, huh.”

_That devious little-_

Haruka snorts. “Yes, _Nagisa_. How long has he kept the secret?”

“The secret?”

“How long have you been back?”

“Ah. That. Since Spring. I got back from… Australia and transferred to my current University.”

Haruka notices Rin’s hesitation, Rin’s discomfort, but decides that prying will not be worth it. After all, it’s just their first date. “So five months, huh.”

“He said he didn’t keep contact with you since he graduated from elementary.”

“We reunited for high school, though.”

Rin snorts. _Of course, Nagisa would hide it_. “He’s too devious for his own good.”

“Yeah.”

 

There is another lull, in which they eat in silence for a while, none knowing how to make the conversation flow.

It’s to be expected, Haruka now thinks. They have eight years worth of catching up to do; that can’t be filled in a few hours.

Besides, it’s not like they had substantial conversations outside the water, back then, since swimming is their common language.

“Do you wanna go swimming after this?” Haruka tries to prompt.

Rin flinches, but nods eventually.

And Haruka needs to find out why the heck did that happen.

 

They go to Haruka’s Uni pool. It’s the only one he knows how to break into unnoticed after hours and without consequences. Or, at least, _not too many_.

Rin has been quiet, mostly avoiding eye contact and looking as if he would cry at a moment’s notice.

Haruka is intrigued, to say the least. Mostly worried, though. Was it really a good idea to go swimming?

Swimming has always been important to Haruka; it had been part of his vague plan to bring his mystery date to swim if he was too hard to shake off. The idea was to come off as a boring swimming nerd (which he wasn’t, but Makoto had advised to lay off the water topics, at least for this one date, and Haruka was already thinking that maybe Makoto had a point) and make the other think twice if he wanted to hang out with Haruka again.

He didn’t want Rin to go away, though.

_Not again._

 

“...I…”

Haruka looks at Rin, who’s wearing one of Haruka’s spare swimsuits and is standing awkwardly on the threshold between the changing room and the pool room. Almost as if he didn’t want to come closer to the pool.

So Haruka goes back to him and holds out a hand. The ‘ _It’s okay, you can come with me,_ ’ is not said out loud, but the words are still conveyed.

Rin looks pained, though. Still, he takes Haruka’s hand.

However, he doesn’t move from where he stands. Not immediately.

 

They prepare for a race, although they haven’t said explicitly that it’s a race, but somehow, neither backs down.

Haruka feels the fire that burned low and smoldered within his belly rekindle slowly, as if he was starved and Rin is feeding it with his mere presence, with the unspoken promise of swimming together again.

To say Haruka is excited is an understatement.

As they stand on the starting blocks, Haruka calls, “The distance is 100m, the style, free.” Rin doesn’t seem to be hesitating anymore, and they both get into position, so Haruka continues.

 

“Ready…

 

Go!”

 

And they are flying through the air, time slowing down to a trickle. Then they break the water’s surface with a splash that gets muted when they’re under the water.

There’s a small difference in the distance of their entry points. As always, Rin’s leg strength gives him a small leverage. A leverage that makes Haruka _feel_ the warmth of nostalgia and the burn of competition at the same time.

He takes Rin seriously right from the beginning, and slowly he overcomes him.

A tiny sense of victory fills him, but it’s quickly smothered by a sense of urgency; Haruka can feel Rin fighting, gritting his teeth and powering through the water, intent on not losing, gaining on Haruka.

If he weren’t swimming, Haruka would feel the shiver that surely runs through him.

They reach the wall and take off their goggles and the swimming caps.

 

For a few moments, only their heavy breathing and the droplets that fall from their hair and hit the surface can be heard, echoing through the pool room.

As Haruka gathers the strength to turn towards Rin, he hears a sob.

 

He panics for a moment, wide-eyed, heart pounding, and mind reeling.

 

With another sob, Rin scrambles as he tries to heave out of the pool.

 

 _No!_ Haruka wants to shout, but his voice doesn’t want to listen to him and work.

So he reaches for Rin’s wrist, almost as a reflex, stopping Rin where he is, with his hands planted on the pool edge, holding his weight on his arms.

Rin stops, but he has his head hanging between his shoulders, making gravity hide his face with his wet hair.

He slides back down into the pool, but keeps his hands on the edge, not breaking contact with Haruka, but still not looking at him.

The tension in the air seems denser than the water, and Haruka feels rooted to where he stands on. He can’t move, he can’t speak, he only feels the swirl of emotions running rampant within his heart. Emotions he doesn’t know what to do with.

The only thing he can do is tighten his hand around Rin’s wrist for a moment, _a display of reassurance_ , as Makoto has so eloquently put it time and time again in the past.

 

“I gave up.”

 

The whisper barely reaches Haruka’s ears. He doesn’t know what to do with the information.

“... I was the worst swimmer back in Australia, so _I gave up_.”

Haruka feels a slight stinging sensation in his eyes; he writes it off as the chlorinated water that drips from his skin.

“I couldn’t just stop, though. So I kept swimming, but… I decided that the moment I left Australia, I would stay away from pools from then on.” Rin’s voice breaks here and there, and for a moment, it feels so full of feeling that Haruka has to clench his jaw to keep himself from uttering a sound that might make Rin stop talking. “So _why?_ Why did you make me swim, Haru?!”

Rin is full on crying now.

Haruka bites his tongue, he doesn’t know how to help Rin, he doesn’t know how to make the tears stop, he doesn’t know how to make Rin smile again.

“...The water feels empty without you in it.”

It tumbles out of his mouth without his permission, and his mind scrambles to catch up to his disobedient body.

“Huh?”

 _Time to own up to your actions_ , Haruka’s mind supplies; he, in turn, feels himself give a sarcastic _thank you_.

 

“The water missed you.”

Okay, so being cryptic might make things more complicated, and _that_ is Nagisa’s job.

 

So he sighs, “ _I… I_ missed you.”

 

Another sob racks through Rin’s body.

 

“I’m surprised you said… that you were the worst, Rin. _You kept up with me_.”

“Whoa, jeez, calm down.” Rin’s scathing remark makes Haruka’s blood boil.

So _maybe_ he needs to reword it.

“I’m not bragging. I mean it. Everyone keeps saying that I’m really good, and I keep beating my times, so I’d say you’re nothing short of impressive.”

Rin falters.

“Rin.” Haruka slides his hand from Rin’s wrist to grab his hand. “ _Rin, look at me._ ”

And he does, Rin turns to look at Haruka and holds his gaze with red-rimmed eyes and running tears.

“...You mean it?”

Haruka can only imagine what all that suffering did to Rin’s overflowing confidence. So he nods. He nods with all the honesty he can muster.

 

“I mean it.”

 

A simple phrase, a heartfelt phrase.

Rin’s waterworks get back to working on overdrive and Rin cries in earnest.

The unbridled emotions rack through Rin’s body with renewed strength, forcing him to rely on Haruka to keep him up, forcing him to wind his arms around Haruka’s middle. It’s awkward, though, with the lane divider between them, so Haruka sinks under the water for a moment and resurfaces on the other side, in Rin’s lane, and lets Rin bury his face in Haruka’s neck and hug him fully.

Haruka can’t deny that it feels good; he wouldn’t deny anything good that happens when he’s with Rin. (At least not in a serious setting, otherwise he’d just look away and pout, keeping quiet.)

When Haruka wraps his own arms around Rin’s shoulders, Rin seems to feel better, as if spellbound, and his crying quiets down gradually.

It’s nice, warm, serene, the moment in time in which they exist, in which the world vanishes and only Rin and Haruka remain, hugging in the pool at Haruka’s University.

 

 _A hug_ , though long overdue, does not fix anything, but it _helps_.

 

Haruka doesn’t know if Rin’s mind has been made, if he’s going to keep swimming as a hobby or if this is the last time they’ll be together in a pool, but the one thing he does know is that he’s not going to let Rin get away from him again.

He’s been waiting for eight years, after all.

 

 

He does make a mental note, however, to never let Nagisa know just how grateful he is for this. He'd _never_ hear the end of it.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt was "AU in which Rin never came back from Australia after leaving for the first time; not even for the race that sent Haruka spiraling. Instead, the next time they meet is on a blind date when they're both out of high school. "
> 
> I had so much fun with this! <3
> 
> [This is Haru's outfit](http://swimfree.co.vu/post/61669360289/kinbari14-free-official-fanbook-samples), and [this one is Rin's](http://smartguide.yahoo.co.jp/chokaigi14/). ~~(I couldn't find the post with the clearfile scans ;; can anyone help me with the link so I can feel better with myself?)~~
> 
> Million thanks to [Aenyan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlOnFandoms) for the proofreading/editing/beta'ing ILU BB <3


End file.
